maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
