I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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