The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
