His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
