I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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