i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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