she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
