Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
