are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
