3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
