Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
