I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
