I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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