She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
