my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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