Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
