1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
