Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
