I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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