between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
