K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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