Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
