it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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