Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
