Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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