Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
