Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
