I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
