shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
