the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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