i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
