We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
