How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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