And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
