1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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