So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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