Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
