so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
