how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
