yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
