you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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