The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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