I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
