I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
