the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
