How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
