He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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