Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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