remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
