Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
