whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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