The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
