I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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