marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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