Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think my tv is drunk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
