I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
