That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
