You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize