I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
