11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
