I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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