I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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