you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
