Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
