the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
