Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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