Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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